Recently I was asked something along the lines of:

What’s it like grieving for someone so close to you?

My initial response was that grief and love are two sides of the same coin. Now I think they are different faces on a multi-sided dice. I’d call the dice Love and one of the sides is grief/mourning. Others include appreciation, gratitude, laughter, understanding, and humor. There may very well be more I’m missing, so please add more sides to your die.

While I continue to spend some nights with bloodshot eyes missing her, they’ve become fewer and fewer. Finding words has never been a challenge for me, yet now I feel as though a watchmaker whose tools are swapped with a blacksmith. A painter in a colorless room with no brushes or acrylics. A paralyzed dancer.

Funny thing living without the one thing I never thought I would.

My human misses yours.

Everything I can think of here misses you.

Yet

if I think of there instead,

I find you again.

Everything there has not and will not ever change.

I love so much more and less your words and actions.

I love that with you,

I didn’t need them.

We didn’t need them.

They were used to help us navigate the world to discover the other.

We used them to find each other,

then promptly discarded at our earliest convenience.

Some of my most memorable and never to be repeated moments are those when the only thing we shared was Space.

Was Time.

I loved you in them.

Always have,

Always will.

I won’t see you here again,

You’re just right over there.

Good to see you again.