It's quite remarkable really.
It’s quite remarkable really, how much Love hurts.
Not so much in a traditional heartbreak sense, but close to it. Love will bring up forgotten trauma or highlight unsteady welds, but it will not pick at them. It is a warm light that illuminates everything, whether you are ready for it or not, and how fortunate we are to live as a human who can experience this feeling.
To live as one who can bleed, be hurt, smile, be joyful, and simultaneously be one who gets to watch our own human feel this. Yes, we are ourselves, but we are also an observer of our own experience. Just as we can watch a friend/family member live and make their own choices, we can step back from ourself and watch us live.
She says I’ve stolen her heart completely, but not even a Master Thief could get past her security systems. Nobody has before, and now never will. I am no criminal, and even if I were, I wouldn’t want a stolen heart. I wouldn’t know where to put it, or how to get rid of it. They are always booby-trapped with countless of layers of redundancies, so no stolen heart can ever be used once taken in this manner.
The only way to truly have a heart from another is if it is given to you willingly, and if at all possible, in a mutual exchange. Either piece by piece, or fully as a 1:1 swap. Ironically, I’ve found that while I think I’m giving it away completely, I’ve unknowingly held fragments from previous heartbreaks, which I now hurriedly run to Her to see if she too found more we can trade. She’s already done this too many times to count.
Sitting, standing, laying, running, or walking next to Her, this exchange of hearts goes something like:
“I want you to have this. It’s everything I’ve worked on to cultivate and to care for. There may be some rough patches or soft spots, but I see that yours kinda looks like mine. I’m choosing to trust you with it, please be careful, I don’t want to put it back together again.”
“Wow! Yours is so nice! I love the colors and lessons it carries, it’s heavy too! You’ve clearly worked hard to make this be this way. I will be careful not to hurt it, I know you’re giving this to me as a sign of affection and trust, as I am trusting you with mine. Thank you for giving me this part of you, I know there will be changes here and there but this is safe with me, I won’t hurt it. I will not use what you’ve given me against you in any manner, pinky promise.”